We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
