Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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