Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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