after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
