youre lurking in front of me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
