So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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