I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
