Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize