so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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