Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
