As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
