I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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