If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
