The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
