Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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