you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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