Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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