If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
