you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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