Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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