just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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