We're facebook friends in real life
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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