Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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