let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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