OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
