I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
