i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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