There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
