mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
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I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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