we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Houston, we have a squirter
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
