And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
