You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
