i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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