We won't sleep together?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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