Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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