I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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