I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
