Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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