She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
