I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
