capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
