Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I supernannyed him into submission
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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