3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
thus making me awesome and them whores
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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