Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
