apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
