my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
