You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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