this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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