Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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