i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
