Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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