Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
