...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
