my phone needs a breathalizer
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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