Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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