i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
