i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
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strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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