Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
