Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
