he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dick very happy bro
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
