sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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