that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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