Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
