i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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