just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
