This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
