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I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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