Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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