i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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