I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
